Pastor Pat Edwards 6/18/2006
Grace Baptist Church in Bountiful, Utah

Last Summer, after Father’s Day, the Saturday morning men’s group read Wild At Heart. One of the points he makes is that most men carry what he calls "the wound." It’s a wound inflicted by our fathers and it has a lot to do with our culture and the expectations placed on men. It was interesting that as we began to open up and share most of us indeed knew all about the wound because most of us had father’s who were distant, or who were alcoholics and some were even physically and verbally abusive. The distance that exists between fathers and sons for whatever reason meant that most in the group had never experienced the confirmation of their masculinity, of their arrival at adulthood or of the assurance they had what it took to succeed in this world.

The author pointed out that our culture has no rite of passage for men or women so we end up thinking we’re adults because we smoke at thirteen or drink at fifteen or get a driver’s license or have sex. As we move through adolescence we long for that day when someone acknowledges our adulthood and that we’ve got what it takes. And the most important someone to do that is a father. And most of us never get it and so we go through life spiritually wounded and wondering if we’re the people we’re supposed to be, the people we’re capable of being.

Fortunately those of us who know Jesus as Lord and Savior also know we have a Father in heaven, a Father capable of healing the wound and giving us the affirmation we long for. But life doesn’t have to be either/or. Today I want to encourage all the fathers present to make sure your child hears that message from his earthly and his heavenly Father.

This is going to be a classic father’s day sermon where I talk about the challenges we face as fathers, the commitments we need to make and the resources we have in order to succeed. Not all of us are in the same place that’s why it’s helpful to have an all-knowing, all-powerful, ever present, loving Father on our side. I’m praying each of us will hear the Lord’s personal word of encouragement this morning.

Those of you who have been around awhile have heard what I’m about to quote. Our first child was born on Friday, June 13, 1975. Father’s Day that year was two days later, June 15. Chris had been thinking ahead so even though I had only been a father two days there was a present from our daughter my first Father’s Day. It was a little wooden plaque with the following words printed on it in gold letters, "The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." Is that an unquestioned, absolute truth? No, but it’s one of those homespun proverbs that is a great guideline.

Setting aside the benefits for husband and wife and to their marriage what does a father loving a child’s mother do for the child? First it provides a stable environment. When asked about marriage and divorce Jesus said, 4"Haven't you read that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."Matthew 19

When we are obedient to the Lord and let his love and grace and wisdom empower us in all likelihood we can create a family where a mom and dad and perhaps siblings create a healthy environment for growth. And if both parties are willing to walk with the Lord it’s a slam dunk that you will succeed. But the concerted, loving efforts of even one partner can be enough to change the climate and get the marriage back on track when there are problems. Will there be marriages where the best efforts of one spouse aren’t enough, where divorce is the only option for safety or sanity? Yes, there are and then we do the best we can trusting the Lord will bless our efforts.

Sometimes we call that kind of commitment sacrificial but is it really? When everything is totaled up have we really sacrificed anything? It’s really a tradeoff, not a loss and because Jesus is involved in the process the trade always goes in our favor. I don’t think a father has ever said to me he wants a divorce because of his kids. He may not love them or exhibit much interest in them but the breakup of the family usually occurs because Dad has stopped loving Mom. And he makes the mistake and commits the sin of thinking his feelings are more important than the welfare of the family. "After all," he thinks, "I have the right to some happiness." What he fails to realize is the happiness that follows the sinful choice is much less than the happiness that follows obedience.

Think for a moment. Does is make any sense if you’re a Christian to think that sin and selfishness will bring more happiness than obedience and service? If I hang in there and love my wife and create a stable home for my children it may feel like a sacrifice but Jesus is going to be there with me every moment helping me to do what’s right and in the end he’s going to bless the socks off me - I’ve never known what that phrase means but it sure sounds good. And I’m going to discover in the end I got a lot more than I gave. It was hard but ultimately it was no sacrifice. I have no doubt that there are fathers sitting in the congregation this morning who have thought about throwing in the towel, have even thought it would be better for the children to do so but unless there are some unbelievable extenuating circumstances it’s better to hang in there and trust Jesus to give you the resources to keep your marriage and family intact.

Second loving your child’s mom provides a pure environment. 25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.Eph. 5 Frankly, I’m tired of our culture. And I mean it, I’m tired, I’m exhausted trying to control my eyes and my ears and my thoughts. I’m tired of bra straps and belly buttons and hip huggers and cleavage and underwear ads, ad nauseam. If I avert my eyes from the Victoria’s Secret ad on TV it falls onto the K-Mart swimsuit ad in the newspaper or perfume ad in the magazine. It’s not possible to walk through a store, even an auto parts store, without being surrounded by scantily clad women. I get exhausted avoiding temptation. Do women not get it? Do you not understand God gave you bodies that attract the attention of men? You don’t need to expose and flaunt them; you need to shield them from everyone but your husband?

But the passage I just read isn’t talking to women, it’s talking to men and specifically husbands. Does your love for your wife create a pure environment for her and your children or are you dragging trash home everyday. In Matthew 5 Jesus gives the new standard for Christian men; 27"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' 28But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Are there fathers here today who justify the use of pornography or perhaps worse? It wouldn’t surprise me because I’ve talked with men who claim to follow Jesus yet make all kinds of excuses for their lusts. And then what they see in their magazines or videos or on the internet they suggest to their wives. Rather than creating purity they create what’s putrid. And they begin to compare their wives to those creatures of fantasy that exist only because our culture is willing to abuse women and these abused, hurting, foolish women are willing to go along with it thinking it’s love or freedom. "But it’s not that big a deal," men argue, ‘it really doesn’t affect my love for my wife or the environment my kids are growing up in.’ But do those actions sound like the actions I read a moment ago? Jesus gave himself up for her to make her holy...and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. For any of you thinking a little pollution doesn’t make any difference I’d like to offer the following example of how the least acceptance of sin affects us. This is a glass of water from my home. It has of course gone through the city’s water purification then my water softener and finally through my brand new, reverse osmosis system that claims it is as pure as water can get. How many of you would be willing to drink it? Now I’m going to add only one drop of water to it from a newly flushed toilet bowl, one that Pat Parrish has recently cleaned. I’ve read that toilet bowls are usually cleaner than kitchen sinks. Now how many of you want a drink? After all it’s only one drop in a whole glassful.

Fathers, let’s commit to love our wives like Jesus loves the church. And let that love purify our homes not just from sexual lusts but all the lusts of the eyes and the flesh that might taint our wives and infect our children.

A number of years ago I attended a conference where the speaker shared his theory about how to live life. He called his theory The Law of Minimums and I found it fascinating. Listen carefully to what he shared so you get the full meaning. One guideline was, Eat the minimum amount you need... to be satisfied. Another was, Get the minimum amount of sleep you need... to be rested. A third was, Do the minimum amount of exercise... to be healthy. As you can see his general principle was to not go overboard, just do what’s required to maintain a healthy life. I always thought it was a clever way to present some common sense guidelines for practical, healthy living. But I don’t think they apply to life with Jesus.

Instead I challenge you to live the "law of maximums," to maximize every opportunity, to live life to the fullest, especially you fathers. Spend the maximum amount of time you can with your children giving your very best. Forget about the old argument of quality time over quantity of time. Give your wife the maximum amount of love she can hold. Cause your kids to giggle when they’re small or rejoice when they’re big that dad loves mom and that love filled our home. Let me conclude with a piece that expresses what I’ve been trying to say about the impact of your love.

A Real Hero by Brenda Keaton I'd like to share with you one way in which my father has impacted my life. He and my mom were married for 35 years. The fact that they remained together was a huge impact. My sister, brother, and I were allowed to flourish and grow in a stable home environment, which nowadays is the envy of many. We saw the culmination of their married relationship during the struggle my mom went through with her second bout of cancer —— this time, of the lungs.
Though he traveled much internationally as chancellor of a worldwide university, his traveling came to a halt when he seriously took his marriage vows to my mom that he would be there in "sickness and health" and "until death do we part." He became her main caregiver upon her return home after spending numerous months in the hospital on a ventilator. Dad was her nurse, doctor, nutritionist, encourager, cook, health care advocate, pulmonary specialist, and friend. Mom was home for 8 months, bedridden, and Dad never left her side. Family and friends marveled at his perseverance.

I hardly have the words to express the impact of seeing such dedication, determination, and loyalty expressed in action. Most families have ups and downs and, being married myself now, I understand that better. No matter what happened between my parents in the past and no matter what I ever thought about it (in my immature perception), my final impression has been forever sealed. Mom's response to a question from hospital personnel of whom she was most proud of was that, "her husband was her hero." Thank you Daddy for fully loving my Mommy.

That's what a father's love for his wife does for his children.